Today something has changed in my mind. I don't know exactly why. That guy on the chat told a sentence which changed something in my thoughts. That thing forced me, to think back to my past. He said: "he just wanted to try this gay stuff out" Well... As far as I can remember, it's true. It's totally true. I haven't had my brave to realize the fact until now. I always had a small hope that I was very good friend, and I will get him back once. It won't happen! It just won't ever happen in this world! Why? Because he just don't belongs to me. He just don't like me. He didn't feel a thing about me! I was just a guy with PC-s. We are totally different, just I was in love. I was blind. He is an idiotic egoist, without feelings! He was a parasite on me! OMG I was very stupid... :(

I have to say: It wasn't my fault. I had to break up! It was a must! This guy was a fucking curious idiot! I gave him everything, and he just wanted to try how it feels with a boy. I see everything clearly now. I loved him, but he didn't deserve my love and my feelings. He loved the joy of made me suffer. He is a bastard. He grudged me. He wanted me to suffer, because I'm better than him in everything. I hope he is going to suffer on this world! He deserves the pain! Fucker! He was totally rude with everyone, and people hate him. I was the only one who loved him but why? There is no explain for that.

From this moment, I'm totally out of him. I opened my eyes finally. I won't think back again to make questions: "what if" There are no what if-s. There are only one answer: he wanted to try, and I was the victim. The life gave me that very badly... Sorry guys for harmed you... I was an idiot!

I was like a hawk during these times with him. I was full of self confidence. After him I felt like a hawk with broken wings. I was in a cage. My life started to be meaningless. But as the quote says: I have to stand up again, and continue my route on the path of the life. I can't live in memories. I can't live in my past! What am I doing? My wounds are almost healed totally. My wings are ready to fly. I have to to close the past finally. I must go back to the sky! The life is waiting for me! I still have a lot of tasks to do! :) Don't think, don't hesitate, just go! "Life goes on!"

"ember kűzdj, és bízva bízzál"

AMEN!

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